Back on the horse.

Monday again.
I screwed up quite a bit over the weekend.

I am a food addict and I use food to deal with emotions. This is especially difficult for me because, although undiagnosed by a doctor, I am pretty certain that I have at least a mild case of bi-polar disorder. My brother has been diagnosed with it for years, and it only became apparent to me that I suffer from a lot of the same symptoms about a year ago.

So last week was a great week. For four days I was happy, hopeful, optimistic, energetic. I followed my eating plan perfectly and felt great about it. Then Friday hit me like a ton of bricks. As I'm noticing more an more lately, when I have a period of time like that (the manic period, they say of bi-polar people), it is always followed by a period of depression. I had that day on Friday. I ate breakfast in the morning (my normal dieting choice of breakfast) and then nothing until 7pm. I didn't do much as far as cleaning or expending any energy playing with the kids. I cared for them, but I didn't do much else.

When my husband came home, I told him how I was feeling. My emotions were somewhere between wanting to curl up in bed and cry, or wanting to throw something or hit something. None of which I did, mind you. I never give into impulses such as those.

He suggested I take a Welbutrin, which was prescribed to me months ago for my now-non-existent Postpartum Depression. I never took the pills back then because I was coming out of the PPD right around the time that the Dr. switched me from Prozac to the Welbutrin.

So I took a Welbutrin on Friday night, and to my surprise and pleasure, within an hour I was feeling more upbeat. I was then feeling pretty hungry, after all I hadn't eaten in over 8 hours. So we took the girls to the playplace at McDonalds and I threw in the towel on my diet that night. I planned to get back on the next day. Saturday came and went, and then Sunday, and now, here it is, a fresh week and a fresh resolve.

I felt incredibly motivated last night to get healthy and above all, lose weight. The biggest factor in the sudden urge of motivation? I RSVP'd for my 15 year High School Reunion on August 22. Yikes! I was super skinny in high school, and I have to admit that showing up there at my current weight is incredibly scary to me.

So I have 8 months to shed this weight, or as much of it as possible. I don't have time to fall off the wagon, and I don't have time for excuses.

Today is a new day, and I am determined to make this my Last Diet Ever.

I have already planned out my meals for the day today, and will update later tonight with those.

Right now, I'm off to finish my grocery list for this week, and them make myself my salad for lunch. :)